Diary of a Stressed Out Fashion Student

Thoughts of a Fashion StudentI don’t think differently enough. I don’t have a voice. What did her knitwear sidekick say? I have no flairWhat exactly is flair? Isn’t it like sophistication or charm? How is it a thing to have? How do I get it, they didn’t tell me that. During the last crit she called me a stupid bitch.  When I stand in front of her and her henchmen in the morning, what do I say? It’s not finished. I don’t have all my garments. I’m still not ready. She’ll think she’s been right all along, that I’m a stupid bitch. And the fashion show just around the corner.

If only my opinions were stronger, I could shoot her down. I need to be more opinionated. If I could talk louder. If I yelled back at her like some of the others, she’d respect me more.

Maybe this whole fashion thing was a phase. And I thought I’d been guided here. But it all seems so at odds with me. I need to work on my personality. Lose some weight. Shout more. Everyone’s so loud.

I just don’t know if I’m cut out for it. What are my influences? Come on, I should know that, at least. What’s my trademark? If it’s all about selling yourself, then I’ll be worth nothing. Do I need to perform more? Be more obsessive?

What was the last show I went to? The last film I saw? She’ll likely ask me something like that. A test. I should think of something arty farty. I can’t tell her that I watched The Muppets Take Manhattan last night on TV. Unless I say it ironically.

I envy her favourites. I envy Edward. He takes it all for granted. Maybe that’s my problem; I should be more lackadaisical. Trying too hard doesn’t look good. I should look like I don’t care. That’s what I’ll do tomorrow.

I should be more neurotic. She finds that interesting. I’m too plain spoken. Boringly straightforward for her tastes. I should probably be more confrontational, just argue the point for the sake of hearing my own voice over hers.

She used to like my work, back at the start of the year. Grades good. The novelty of me has worn off. My designs don’t have staying power. She bores more easily than most and therefore thinks I’m boring. But what’s the alternative? I’ve gone into debt just to be called a stupid bitch.

It might not matter anything to her but my collection matters to me. I’m not bored by it. It’s going to be brilliant when is’s done. This is too important not to take seriously or to pretend I don’t care. What’s she to me anyway? An old jaded college tutor that I’ll soon be well shot of. I will finish, no matter what she thinks tomorrow.

My collection will show during Fashion Week. Then we’ll see who’s the stupid bitch.

Sorry for the appearance. We are under construction. I am under construction.

The hallowed halls of Central St Martin's

The hallowed halls of Central St Martin’s

To find out how Kat fares during her big presentation, you can buy Silk for the Feed Dogs here.

11 comments

  1. What a great post! I think your talent lies with the pen, not the scissors. Maybe both? Both! Love this-and haven’t we all been there before? With the professor who seemed to love you then hate you? For no discernible reason? (Unless he could read my mind and knew what I thought of his alien abduction story)
    Good job, Jackie.

  2. Bless you, Laura. Thank you for the sweet comment. In a dual, I’d choose pen over scissors to win. Now, wait…yours had an alien abduction story too?! 🙂

  3. Just started reading ‘Silk For The Feed Dogs’ today. Love it already. I never would have thought to describe feed dogs on my machine in the way that you did! Sitting here debating on writing on ‘What Line’ or retire to the comfort of my bed to read more of your book. – You’re fast coming out ahead! 😉

    • Thank you so much, Elle. I’m delighted–in fact, I’ve never been so happy to be someone else’s procrastination strategy 😀

      • That procrastination seems to be getting the best of me these days! haha Just mentioned you in my latest post! http://wp.me/36w0d

      • Thanks sweetie! That’s very neighborly of you. When I popped over to have a look I happened to notice you too have a novel published. Off now to get it on Kindle as with all this procrastinating and multi-tasking you’ve been doing who knows when the second one will follow…which luckily it’ll give me time to catch up! 😉

  4. I know exactly what you mean. A crap tutor brushes up students in a wrong way. I studied architecture until post graduate. I met crap teachers as well as good ones. Just believe in what you do and find a good way to communicate it. You are doing good !😀

  5. No worries at all. I take it as a compliment 🙂

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